So much is running around in my head..I'm not sure what it all is, so I'm just going to start and see what tumbles out. Don't be afraid..take my hand and we'll venture inside together. ;)
Of course I have to address the topic of Hope. That's what Easter is about for me. New beginnings. Spring and flowers and hope for things to be better. For me to do better, be better. And for the future to hold new hope for that. I realize I've said this so many times before. I have been slightly out of control. During my "up" days, I see where I have done things during my "down" days that were not at all the way I would normally handle things. I am determined not to let them happen again. I feel great love for everyone! LOL No really..I do!
But then the "down" days come. They are dark and bleak and filled with insecurities, pain, loss, and fear. I act out, scream, yell, cry, delete, push you away. When I come out of those "down" times, and see the wreckage, I am overcome with guilt and remorse but I do not show that. I show indifference most of the time. I don't want you to see me vunerable. I see it all clearly now.
Thank god for medication. LOL I wish I had gone sooner. But I'm also amazed that I went at all. And although I don't like the diagnosis, and feel ashamed to be honest, I am grateful for the feeling I have now, sitting here. I haven't "felt" this way in a long time.
I feel peaceful, joyful, sad about the losses to this thing I have, but mostly hopeful. Thank you to those of you who stuck by me when I was at my worst. And those that didn't or couldn't...thanks for walking with me for a short time. I will never forget you.
So, one of the things I did to celebrate was...well, what do you think? I bought a new house, of course! LOL
That's it below. I love it! It's very small and very cute. I also love Torley's windlight settings!
The house was created by Liz Gealach of Thistle.
Of course I have to address the topic of Hope. That's what Easter is about for me. New beginnings. Spring and flowers and hope for things to be better. For me to do better, be better. And for the future to hold new hope for that. I realize I've said this so many times before. I have been slightly out of control. During my "up" days, I see where I have done things during my "down" days that were not at all the way I would normally handle things. I am determined not to let them happen again. I feel great love for everyone! LOL No really..I do!
But then the "down" days come. They are dark and bleak and filled with insecurities, pain, loss, and fear. I act out, scream, yell, cry, delete, push you away. When I come out of those "down" times, and see the wreckage, I am overcome with guilt and remorse but I do not show that. I show indifference most of the time. I don't want you to see me vunerable. I see it all clearly now.
Thank god for medication. LOL I wish I had gone sooner. But I'm also amazed that I went at all. And although I don't like the diagnosis, and feel ashamed to be honest, I am grateful for the feeling I have now, sitting here. I haven't "felt" this way in a long time.
I feel peaceful, joyful, sad about the losses to this thing I have, but mostly hopeful. Thank you to those of you who stuck by me when I was at my worst. And those that didn't or couldn't...thanks for walking with me for a short time. I will never forget you.
So, one of the things I did to celebrate was...well, what do you think? I bought a new house, of course! LOL
That's it below. I love it! It's very small and very cute. I also love Torley's windlight settings!
The house was created by Liz Gealach of Thistle.
The settings make pics look so awesome!
And this is the perfect way to start an Easter Sunday...dancing to hot blues music with friends.
Life is good!
thanks for reading! Stay tuned as Joonie gets her meds adjusted! LMAO!
JJ
:) Hope is the best thing. Like time, I think it can heal anything.
ReplyDeleteSMOOCH! Loved seeing you this AM for coffee. Maybe next week I'll bake cinnamon buns and we can build a chim together..?
B
Wonderful post for this Easter Day, Joonie. I love how you own what's passed by but you are focused on the now and the future. Hope is a wonderful thing :)
ReplyDeleteNo need to feel ashamed of that diagnosis, JJ. Feel grateful, hopeful, skeptical, a little scared...but ashamed implies you could have done something differently; you couldn't have./me hugs Joonie hard!
Beautiful pics, such a cozy home in a lovely spot. It was fun spending time with you this weekend! Here comes the week, hang on tight!
Love you JJ!
xoxo
PDV