I love this picture. The darkness of the mountains and the brilliant light of the Northern Lights. Aurora Borealis. Very beautiful. I hope to live somewhere one day that has a high probability of Northern Lights.
I think we've all felt like we have been wounded beyond any hope of healing. Like our broken hearts are in pieces and there is no way to repair the damage. But I think I'm looking at it all wrong. My heart continues to beat...strong actually....and I feel a lot more gratitude for the things that have caused me pain. I know that sounds bizarre, but they have each given me opportunities to look inward and discover what I truly want.
Fear has caused me to pull back when someone gets too close. Fear has been a big part of my life. And Fear prevents me from doing the things I want and causes me follow a safer way. One that requires much less from me. But that is not the life I want. I have never been afraid of change. Of just jumping in and going with the flow. Today I realized, not for the first time, that I am afraid of getting close to anyone. Not only that, but I'm afraid of me and my own potential.
I have made some definite improvements in my life and slife over the past few months. My heart beats out the rhythm of a wild child, but the fear has kept her locked up. I don't sense a busting out of my true self, but I do see a peeling back of the layers, of the cocoon I have drapped myself in to protect me from the hurt, slowing opening up and letting me out again.
It might be a slow process. And I hope that I will be greeted with patience and much fanfare. LOL Either way, I see it happening. I think I just needed some closure on a few things before I could move forward.
I have been the recipient of lots of good in SL. And some not so good. But I've grown stronger and more fearless in the last few months. I still have a way to go. I realize I allowed myself to be knocked down pretty far. But that's in my past. I don't know what my future brings. So today I'm going to sit with the feelings, try not to judge them, and figure out who Joonie really is, what does she want, and enjoy the process.
And one day, I'll see those Northern Lights. =)
xo
Joonie
*hug*
ReplyDeleteSL is a journey..and despite what you think when you first log in, it is NOT an always sunny one.
There are cloudy days, rainy days and some downright HURRICANE days.
You're not alone in any of your feelings - never think that. Just go with them. If you follow your heart, you really can never go wrong.
B
Great post, Joonie! I loved it.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Joonie.
ReplyDeleteI am guilty of pulling back when someone gets too close too. Fear? Insecurities? I'm not sure. And each time I build a stronger wall around myself but somehow end up putting myself in front of danger again.
I don't know, but I guess when the time comes, everything will fall into place. You wait, and the good will come. :)
Joonie, this is a great post! Fear is so powerful when it comes to relationships, or anything, really. It can keep us from doing what our authentic self needs, or make us do things we know are really not ours to do. All because we are afraid.
ReplyDeleteI love the strength in your post. When we can finally hear the beating of our own hearts, and we do what we need to to let that true heart beat, that's when we start coming home to ourselves.
I believe you will see those Northern Lights too! Meanwhile, /me polishes up the trumpet for the fanfare! :D
Love you JJ!
xoxo
PDV
Hugs! ty for your sweet comments. :)
ReplyDelete