It's late and I need to go to sleep soon. But I've had this topic rumbling around in my head for a few days. Well, not a topic exactly but more like ideas or perplexities.
In my earlier post found here, I shared that I was feeling pulled into feelings I didn't want to feel. And that is true. But I'm torn. I have made a vow to myself and joined a convent in SL, so no more bois for me. But I have never felt so overwhelmingly in love as I have in SL. Now I know some of you are saying it's not love, it's limerance. And that's fine....call it what you want. But I am saying that I have never felt more connected to another human being than I have in SL. A connection so strong, so powerful, that I would have done anything to maintain that connection.
At least that's what I thought. But when push came to shove, I just couldn't do it. I chose my RL. I'm grateful I still had one to return to. Some of us are not that lucky.
So...I dunno. There's more to this story. It's not as easy as that. There were many sad days and nights...lots of tears and lots of pain involved. Why? Because I was unable to separate my feelings in SL from my feelings in RL. They spill over for me. And I had no intention of that happening. It just did.
SL is an awesome, beautiful, creative place. We make of it what we will. I have many awesome memories of people I have met, loved, lost. And I would give anything for that one moment...that one brief moment that scared me to death. That moment of connection that is so real. So intense, so beautiful.
For me, that will never happen again. But I am grateful for that moment and will never forget. That moment will always be with me. I miss moments like that. But I don't want to hurt anyone else. So that part of SL is not part of my experience there. And that's okay. I'm finding lots of other things to occupy my time. But it isn't nearly as intense.
signed:
A Hopeless Romantic Blogger ;-)
Hi Joonie... i think most avies wrestle with these issues (btw, great reference to _limerence_). And I know how complex SL relationships can become, and how destrutive breakups are. But, without romance in SL, isn't at least half of the experience missing? Believe me, that is more of a question than a suggestion.
ReplyDeleteI've had enough bad romantic endings to still be shaking my head and wondering why I even try, but the other night I realized that a pretty new dress isn't half the fun if you don't have someone who loves you there to appreciate it. IOW, SL is just place to hangout and fiddle around without the possibiltiy of finding someone to have that great feeling for.
I am about to start rambling, but in short, I'm thinking that we need to learn _how_ to be in love in this artificial world.
Hope you don't give up on SL romance. Hugzzz
Thanks for posting, Yordie. But you're not really helping me out here! LOL
ReplyDeleteITA, SL isn't as much fun without someone there who makes me feel special.
But...I fall too hard. And then I can't get up. ;-)
i know about falling hard. me too.
ReplyDeletefallin in love hard is the problem, not that you fall in love. I have this same problem.
so, i'm saying that we can solve the problem. maybe it means that when we get swept away like in limerence, we have to reach down and find some disciplines that we don't want to be bothered with (afterall, SL is like a fantasy, why use discipline, righ?).
In real life, I am sooooooo much more reserved that I am in SL. It doesn't mean I don't get the wonderful feeling inside, but I am always reading the situation and there is soo much more time to think about it for some reason. We need to create that kind of deliberation and discipline.
I think SL romance can work if you are willing to take it into real life when it reaches that stage, OR we learn that this is not like real life and learn to make it work with the different reality.
Did that help?
Hugzzz
Well now. For someone who took the blanket off of my head, I think you need a little of the same.
ReplyDeleteMaybe not love..
But finding a place where you're happy..and content to be with someone who makes you feel RIGHT. :) It's a hard thing, I know.
But you're a hopeless romantic - just like me. We tough girls always are.
Don't give up Joonie - but I do think that you should totally keep your RL as priority. :)
In the end though..
Follow your heart.
:) That's my ultimate advice. Whatever choice you make, I'll be behind you 100%.
B
Thanks Bliss. Following my heart got me into this mess! LOL
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, tho. RL comes first.
And Yordie....it just is what it has to be for me. But I wish you all the SLove you can handle! ;-)
Joonie, hopeless romanticism is not a bad thing. It's just a HARD thing. But you would not be who you are if you didn't feel the feelings you do.
ReplyDeleteI think you are on to the solution, and that is being conscious of what can/does happen for you and recognizing it when it does, and just not going there. Discipline (that dirty D word that Yordie mentioned) is not easy for a hopeless romantic...but I see a lot of growth in your post and a lot of committment. The people in your lives, both S and R, are lucky.
You are awesome JJ. Big hugs!
xoxo
PDV