Embryo 96/365

I found this place thanks to Lizzie's blog...erm....anyway, I'm always looking for new places to explore. Still haven't found that one place that is a good fit for me and my need to be alone and think. But this one is purdy and dark at the same time. There is an embryo here, but I try not to look at it. I dunno. *shrug*

A funny thing has happened and I'm not sure how or when. Joonie can't seem to fall in SLove. It's not that she doesn't want to, it's just not happening. Many have tried, many have failed. LOL And not because of anything they did right or wrong or I did right or wrong, it's just not happening. I love my awesome boy friends. They make me laugh and are just awesome. But I'm not feeling it. Haven't felt it for a while now. I love love, so this is very strange. hahahaha But it also feels right. Let's face it, I've not been all that good at SL relationships. This isn't a poor me post. It's a "matter of fact, this is the way it is" post. I think you'd have to be inside my head to see what I'm thinking and feeling. Maybe it's a transition for me, like we all make in SL. Only this one is amusing.

I loved falling in SLove. It was fun and emotional and crazy. And very deep, real emotions. I think I was more innocent then. Now I think I'm too cynical. Some have accused me of being afraid. I don't think that's it. I just can't keep a straight face when some guy is telling me how beautiful I am, * kisses me softly on the cheek*, or tells me he loves me after knowing me for a month or less. It's just not working for me. I don't know why. I wish it would. But it doesn't.

So I'm mourning a few things today. Everything changes. I know that's true. Maybe this is just part of the transition for me as I continue to learn more about myself than I ever wanted to know! I miss SLove. That awesome sharing of noobieness. Discovering the world together, thinking it would never end. Dying a little bit when it does. Knowing that that person will always have a tiny little place in your heart, but also knowing you will never go through that again. Not because you are scared or whatever, but because you know it will never be like that again.

Marnix posted an awesome blog post a while back. I will link to it here and say that I could have written it, as well. He said it all much better than I could.

nini all! Thanks for indulging me once again in a sloppy, emotional post. I know some of you disapprove. *shrug*

JJ

Wearing:

Dress: Bare Rose - Exile
Boots: Diram - Britney Toxic
Necklace: Tekeli-li - Sacred Heart Necklace
Skin: Curio Elf
Eyes: Beauty Avatar DIAMANTE - Eyes 09

Location: Embryo