So Let's Talk

It's been a long time since I've posted on this blog. Not sure why I am now. I think I just need a place to chronicle my Life? My SL one and my real one.

I'm feeling really confused about life in general. Like where do I fit in? I've spent the last 12 years of my life immersed in a virtual world with a few breaks here and there. I was a different person then when I fist logged in October 18, 2006. I had no idea I would still be there 12 years later.

Today, I gave up my sim I've lived on for the past year. I think that's a move in the right direction but it's still a little depressing. Another SL relationship didn't work out and to be honest, I have to start looking at myself as I seem to be the constant in these failed endeavors.

Feeling depressed for a while now. Not just because of the relationship and giving up my sim but also because I just don't have any excitement about SL anymore. I gave up blogging a while back but at least I still enjoyed the artistic pursuit of taking photos. Now I can't seem to get motivated to do that. Blah. Hate complaining here and feeling sorry for myself. Sorry to anyone out there reading this.

I also wonder if blogs aren't a dying medium or forum. I think it is for the most part. Not many people read anymore. lol At least not long rambling rantings of a depressed person. So I think I'll just look at this as my journal. If someone stumbles across it....  fine. If not, it's okay, too. Maybe it will give me an incentive to take a pic to go with each post. We'll see.

I have a lot to say but really not much at the same time, if that makes sense. I've been trying to figure out why I've always got this sadness that resides just under the surface. I'd like to say it has something to do with my mom dying of cancer when I was 22 but that was like 20 years ago. I haven't been the same since a relationship ended but again that's been like 6 years ago now so that can't be it.  Last year around this time I was diagnosed with Grave's disease and some of its symptoms are fatigue and depression and anxiety. It comes and goes, tho, so that can't be it. *sigh*  See? boring blog post. Lol

I'm just not much fun anymore. I used to be. Or at least I thought I was. haha. I used to laugh more. God this is all about me, isn't it.There needs to be a theme to this. I'll think about it. Not sure I want to continue this or if I just needed to vent today.

Can't seem to complete anything. I did get a small parcel but no energy or enthusiasm for decorating or fixing it up. Maybe I'm done with SL. The scary thing is, it's been such a huge part of my life for so long, I don't know what else to do with my time. I'm craving creative time.... but do I even know how to paint anymore? I feel like a lot of doors have closed but none have opened yet. Maybe it's too soon. Maybe I need to process the closed door first and move on before things start opening up.
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I saw a pin on Pinterest that said "Move On. Do Better." I like that. I need to do better. Be better.

I've also been reading about INFJs. Following this guy on youtube, Frank James. Maybe that's my problem. I'm just an INFJ. ha! Who knows.

Okay more later maybe. Thanks for reading. ♥