This is how I feel atm. Torn in two...spinning crazily 'round and 'round. My world is upside down. Everything I thought was true, is not.
I'm trying to numb myself with staying busy, not turning my phone on, not feeling anything, TV, SL, but god, no music. Music makes me feel. Can.Not.Feel.
But stay busy. For now, I must live in denial that anything is wrong. Because if I were to look at my reality, at my heart, at what I'm feeling....I fear what the truth will tell me.
The heart knows....but
the brain must rule the heart...
the brain must rule the heart...
the brain must rule the heart...
Wish me luck..
JJ
Oh god, what happened? I have no idea what you're facing, but everything's gonna be alright. Or at least better. Bearable. I can promise you that. Have lots and lots of strength. Big hugs!
ReplyDeleteheya BC....you know...same ol' story. Boy meets girl, Boy and girl fall in love, some shit happens. Boy breaks girl's heart. Nothing new.
ReplyDeleteI know you're right...everything will be alright...bearable. Just not there yet, but I will be.
And strength I have cos of my friends. Thanks you for being one of them! *hugs*
Hi Joonie. I know we don't really know each other only from plurk, but I wish you strength! Just give it time and like you already said everything will be better. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteJoonieGirl, I am with you and I am there for you. I made my longest blog post in my writing site blog last week. Took me 3 days to write it, but all the anger that I have been holding in for 4 years (since I got sick and stuck in the anger phase of the grief cycle) came out. I then went the following day and let out more. It felt good and so far a few have skimmed the 2 posts but only one has read the entire thing. It doesn't matter though. I just needed to post it.
ReplyDeleteYou do good here. I admire you for being able to vent and just let it all out. I need to learn from you. Another thing that helped was attending Cataplexia's Chakra class last week. My third class with her, but it felt like the first time. I do recommend the class if you can find the time.
Thank you for being you. Strong, resilient and able to vent in a manner that helps others get through trying times. Thank you.
(((((Joooooonie))))))
ReplyDeleteGood luck with that brain/heart thing...that's usually what gets us in trouble to start with. My heart is way stronger than my head most of the time!!
You will get through this JJ, and all will be well. You have to trust that. Meanwhile you have lots of people who love you. Don't forget.
xoxo
PDV
aww...ty PDV! I know I'm not alone in this...just one of many. But it's what I'm going thru now so it seems BIG and intense.
ReplyDeletethx for being my friend. :)