Summer of Love Fair #5 - Bereavement

“Grieving can be difficult in a culture that does not support the grieving process. You may come under pressure from others to be brave or snap out of it. This is not helpful advice. You need time and space to express your grief.”

Gown - Evie's Closet Madeleine Gown
Gloves - N1CO Ileana outfit
(above purchased at Summer of Love Fair)
Skin - Redgrave Trinity (silkmatt)
Hair - Truth Annie (snow)

:: BEREAVEMENT ::

*Why do we need to grieve?*

One in four adults will have experienced the death of someone close to them within the past five years. Its impact can vary from the bearably painful to the emotionally catastrophic. Mourning is the way to we come to terms with bereavement. It is about letting go of the person we have lost; gradually changing the nature of the bonds that attached us to them. Grieving is not much understood or acknowledged. We are often discouraged from ‘being morbid’, and death and grieving have been a subject that is avoided. But, acknowledging the emotions surrounding death is important to our emotional wellbeing.

*How might people respond?*

The reactions to a death may vary widely from person to person, depending on the circumstances of the death and the connection to the person who has passed on. These can include shock, lack of concentration, disbelief, tiredness, insecurity, panic, guilt, anger, loneliness and suicidal feelings. The grieving process takes longer for some people than others and some factors surrounding a death may prolong it. These include the mourner being socially isolated, if they had unfinished business with the deceased, if the death had difficult circumstances, if the person is missing and presumed dead, or if there was no funeral or the mourner was unable to go.

*Mourning and depression*

Depression and grief can appear very similar in their symptoms – appetite loss or overeating, not sleeping properly, suicidal thoughts, not being able to concentrate, feeling tearful or numb, losing interest in sex, and generally being in a low mood. However, grief is a process that people move through, depression goes on without treatment – and possibly can happen if the person grieving simply can’t move on.

*How can you cope?*

Grieving is hard work; exhausting and stressful. You need to look after yourself: body, mind, and spirit. Physically, your immune system is likely to be depleted. You need good food, plenty of rest, and the right amount of exercise. Emotionally, you need to express your grief in whatever way feels right to you. Talking to others who share your grief is important. Whatever it is you choose to do to express your grief – the important part is to keep it continuous. It could be that this will be a time of spiritual growth, where your faith grows or you explore new paths. It can also be a time when strong faith is shaken. If this is the case, speaking to a spiritual teacher about it is important – like expressing the emotional side of grief – if you deny or bottle up distress, you are going to make problems for yourself later on. Coming to terms with your loss is a gradual process, and, like all healing, it takes time.

*What can I do to help a loved one who is grieving?*

From the start, everyone should recognise that there is no set pattern to grieving, so there is little value in making statements about how someone should grieve, whether their grief is normal, how long it should last, or what should be done or said to get past it. Many people grieving notice that friends, relatives, or neighbours may distance themselves when they don’t know what to do or say. People should realise this rejection could be hurtful. In loss, they don’t need other’s words so much as their willingness to be with them and listen when they want to talk through what they’re going through. Practical support can be helpful too – preparing a meal or helping with household tasks for those who feel unable to do much in the way of looking after themselves.

Where can I get more info/help?*

UK:

British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) –  http://www.bacp.co.uk/ – Has details of local practitioners

Child Death Support Helpline –   http://www.childdeathhelpline.org.uk/  – Freephone (0800 282 986) service for anyone affected by the death of a child

Citizens Advice Bureau –  http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ – Service that helps people resolve their legal, money and other problems by providing free, independent and confidential advice, and by influencing policymakers.

The Compassionate Friends –  http://www.tcf.org.uk/ – Support for anyone after the death of a child

Cruse Bereavement Care –  http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ – Advice to anyone who has been affected by death, including bereaved military families

National Association of Widows –   http://www.nawidows.org.uk/ – Offers support, comfort and advice for widows and widowers

Survivors of Bereavement by Suicide (SOBS) –  http://www.uk-sobs.org.uk/ – A self-help, voluntary organisation

US:

Hospice of the North Shore -  http://www.hns.org/ - Provides helpful handouts on the grieving process, including the stages of grief, how to take care of yourself, and the different ways people react to loss

UT Counseling and Mental Health Center (CMHC) -  http://cmhc.utexas.edu/griefloss.html - Guide to coping with grief and loss, including normal grief reactions to expect.

TeensHealth (Nemours Foundation) -  http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/emotions/someone_died.html - Article for teens on how to cope with grief and loss. Includes tips for dealing with the pain and taking care of yourself during the grieving process.

Mayo Clinic -  http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/grief/MH00036 - Tips for coping with the grief that can resurface even years after you’ve lost a loved one.

California Home Care & Hospice, Inc. -  http://www.californiahomecare.org/bereavement04.html - Advice on how to heal after the death of a loved one, including the rituals that can help and things you can do to keep memories alive.

AARP -  http://www.aarp.org/relationships/grief-loss/ - A comprehensive series of articles on grief and loss offering practical, as well as psychological advice.
GriefNet.org -  http://www.griefnet.org/ - Online support community for people dealing with grief, death, and major loss, with over fifty monitored support groups for both kids and adults.

The Compassionate Friends -  http://www.compassionatefriends.org/ - National, self-help organization for those grieving the loss of a child.

Australia:

Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement -  http://www.grief.org.au/ - Provides insights into grieving and the grief process. A companion page contains detailed information about children’s grief.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This notecard is provided to you as an informative point of view in a disorder you or a loved one might be struggling with. In these you will find a short description of what the disorder is about, explanations about possible causes that trigger the disorder, suggestions on what to do if you or a loved one needs help and plenty of helpful websites with additional information and resources.

However, take care not to use this notecard as:

1) A way to diagnose yourself or others
2) A way to avoid consulting professional in health care for serious desease, or
3) A way to become yourself a professional in ''saving'' all your friends from their problems.

Take it as what it is: an informational notecard.

Keep in mind that any health professional (psychologist, psychiatrist, doctor, social worker, nurse, etc.) is best equipped to help you or your loved ones face your/their struggles.