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:: SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ::
*What are suicidal feelings like?*
Suicidal feelings can be terrifying. If you can no longer see why you should go on living, your distress will seem unbearable. You may hate yourself and believe that you are useless and unneeded. You may feel rage, shame and guilt. Repeated painful experiences, particularly losses, can lead you to blame yourself and feel that you haven't lived up to your own standards. Faced with an unbearable situation, unsolvable difficulties, failures or conflicts, you may start to think that death is your only option. It can be difficult to relate to others at this time, so you are likely to feel withdrawn or irritable. Even if you have family and friends around, it may seem impossible to tell them how much you despair. If they have hurt you badly, you may be thinking of suicide as a way of getting back at them. It is understandable to be angry with people who have hurt us, but suicide turns that anger in on ourselves. You may be sleeping badly and waking early, and your appetite might have changed so that you are experiencing weight loss or gain. You may feel cut off from your body or physically numb. Perhaps you have stopped taking care of yourself and are neglecting your physical appearance. Overall, you are likely to feel a loss of energy. If you hear voices, they may be urging you to kill yourself and you may feel worn down by the effort of resisting them. If you have just come out of a manic phase, you may be feeling guilt, worthlessness and despair.
*The difference between suicidal thoughts and self-harm*
Some people are very clear that they want to die. Others simply don't care if they live or die. You may be thinking of death as a release. If you feel powerless to influence circumstances that are distressing you, the idea of suicide may give you a sense of being in control again. Depending on your beliefs, you could be looking forward to oblivion or to being reunited with loved ones or to reincarnating. On the other hand, you may be harming yourself by cutting, biting or burning your body. Perhaps you are getting into fights or taking extreme risks. You may also be overdosing on drugs, bingeing on alcohol or have developed anorexia or bulimia. This kind of self-harming behaviour rarely involves actually wanting to kill yourself. It is more usually a means of trying to stay alive. You may not know why you are self-harming, but it is often a way of communicating deep distress and trying to cope better.
*Why do I feel suicidal?*
It may appear to others that suicide or an attempt at suicide is an impulsive act, especially if a person is using alcohol or drugs chaotically or responding to a sudden crisis. More usually though, you will have experienced a slow onset of hopelessness undermining your self-worth. Although thinking about suicide is quite common, and may occur whatever your age, gender or sexuality, you will be more vulnerable to suicidal thoughts and feelings if you feel incapable of solving the difficulties in your life. It is also common to have suicidal thoughts if you are experiencing mental health problems - especially if you have a diagnosis of depression, borderline personality disorder or schizophrenia.
*How do I get help?*
If you are thinking about suicide then you may believe yourself to be beyond help. You may be so deeply hurt or afraid that you feel out of reach. If you are filled with rage it can seem difficult to allow another person to make a difference. You may be refusing help as a way of punishing a person who has hurt you. If your anger has turned inwards and you feel self-hatred or guilt, you may believe that you don't deserve help. These thoughts and feelings may have particular urgency if you have already attempted suicide or if there is a history of suicide in your family. It is important to look out for the warning signs in yourself and take them seriously. A great many people think about suicide, but the majority do not go on to kill themselves. Like them, you can help yourself and you can get help from other people. There is no feeling so terrible that it cannot be changed. There is no difficulty that is insurmountable. You deserve help, no matter what. You can try talking to family and friends, telephone helplines and online discussion groups, speaking to your doctor, partaking in counselling, or even checking yourself into the hospital in a crisis.
*How can I help myself?*
It is important to remove any means of killing yourself while you learn how to cope with suicidal feelings. For example, make sure that you have only small quantities of medication in the house; if you are no longer driving carefully, hand over your car keys to a friend. Learning 'distress tolerance' skills will help you survive when in crisis. They will also support your ongoing mental health; since distress is part of life, it can never be avoided entirely. Give yourself a break - and take a break from yourself. If your attention is focused mainly on your distress, try instead to notice the world around you. Like any new habit, it may take effort at first, especially if you feel cut off and disconnected. Set yourself goals for engaging with other people and beginning new activities. Regular exercise like walking, running and swimming will lift your spirits and make it easier for you to sleep longer. Yoga and meditation can energise you and help to reduce tension. Food also influences your mood directly. When you are less anxious, your appetite may return and you could begin to eat healthier foods. If you have been misusing alcohol and drugs, cutting down on these will make your mind clearer and better able to focus on how to help yourself. If you have started to notice your thoughts and feelings, you might like to write about them in a daily diary. Over time, this can give you fresh insight and increase your ability to respond to your difficulties differently. If you are having problems finding the right words, creating artworks based on your feelings can be a powerful alternative. Reading about how other people have managed difficult times is usually inspiring. Self-help books can suggest ways to nurture your self-esteem and take you through practical problem-solving exercises. Just as your suicidal feelings took time to emerge, so it will take a while for them to recede. Just live from day to day and don't expect too much of yourself. Even if you can't see a way forward now, you can be certain that the way you are thinking and feeling about things will change. Although it may seem as if your life has gone terribly wrong, it helps if you can accept that all of us have difficulties at times and that people do find great courage and resilience in themselves.
*How can I help a loved one who is suffering?*
Keep in mind that people with suicidal thoughts usually don't want to die, but simply to stop suffering. Be comprehensive and listen to them without judging or pressing them to change their mind on suicide. People that have serious thoughts about suicide usually have thought a great deal about it and thus can find it the only solution to put a stop in their distress. Listen to what they have to say about suicide and death. Ask questions directly, if you have doubts - ''Do you think about suicide?'' or ''Have you ever thought about killing yourself?''. Some believe that by asking questions directly they will trigger the person to start thinking about suicide. On the contrary, this will open a door for them to talk about how they feel. Usually, people will answer the truth about their thoughts on the matter. If a loved one is thinking about suicide, try to ask them if they have a plan, thought about a way of killing themselves, a particular date. Most commonly, suicidal attempts are planned and only in few occasions will some act on impulsive actions without prior plans or any major signs. This being said, pay attention to any signs and talk. Pay careful attention to dramatic changes in moods. For example, someone who is very depressed that becomes unusually cheerful and happy. This can only be a sign that the person has found a solution to his or her problems: suicide. Also, pay attention if someone is giving away most of her or her precious possessions. For example, a fan of music who is giving away all his CDs and music memorabilia. If you ever receive a phone call from a friend or loved one wanting to commit suicide, take it seriously and seek professional help immediately. They cannot be left alone and need support. Even if you think it might be manipulation, don't dismiss the threatening words. Call an ambulance, if you believe the danger is imminent (24h-48h) or take them to A&E/ER if you believe the person will cooperate with you.
*Where can I get help/more information?*
UK:
British Association for Behavioural and Cognitive Psychotherapies (BABCP) – http://www.babcp.com/ – Directory of accredited behavioural and cognitive psychotherapists available online
British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy – http://www.bacp.co.uk/ – See website for details of local practitioners
The British Psychological Society – http://www.bps.org.uk/ – Their directory of chartered psychologists is available on the web
CALL (Community Advice & Listening Line) – http://www.callhelpline.org.uk/ – Emotional support and information on mental health to the people of Wales (0800 132 737)
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) – http://www.thecalmzone.net/ – Advice for young men
Depression Alliance – http://www.depressionalliance.org/ – Provides information, support and self-help groups
Hearing Voices Network – http://www.hearing-voices.org/ – User network and local support group for people who hear voices
London Lesbian and Gay Switchboard – http://www.llgs.org.uk/ – 24-hour confidential helpline (020 7837 7324) staffed by lesbian and gay volunteers for anyone in the UK
MDF The Bipolar Organisation – http://www.mdf.org.uk/ – Support for people affected by bipolar disorder (manic depression)
National Self-harm Network – http://www.nshn.co.uk/ – Survivor-led organisation supporting those who self-harm
PAPYRUS – http://www.papyrus-uk.org/ – Advice for young people at risk of suicide
Rethink – http://www.rethink.org/ – Call helpline (020 8974 6814) for those with severe mental health problems in crisis
Samaritans – http://www.samaritans.org.uk/ – 24-hour telephone helpline (08457 90 90 90) offering emotional support
Sane – http://www.sane.org.uk/ – Provides advice for those in crisis, as well as practical information.
United Kingdom Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) – http://www.psychotherapy.org.uk/ – Regional lists of psychotherapists available free
WPF Network – http://www.wpfnetwork.org.uk/ – The largest provider of general counselling in Britain
US:
HelpGuide.org - http://helpguide.org/mental/suicide_help.htm
Mayo Clinic - http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/suicide/ds01062
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ - 24/7 Helpline for those in suicidal crisis or emotional distress (1-800-273-TALK (8255))
PsychCentral - http://psychcentral.com/
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