I have to admit....I hate the word 'no'...especially when I'm saying it to something I might actually on some level want to say 'yes' to.
After being in an SL relationship for over a year and it ending not too long ago, I have decided not to get into one again for a while, if ever. At first, it was difficult. I missed having someone to share things with, shop with, be silly with, gossip with, be romantic with, hold, share dreams with...and all that other crap couples do. (bitter much? LOL) But within a few weeks, I was enjoying my time to myself. I liked doing what I wanted when I wanted. Going where I wanted with whomever....not being grilled about where I'd been or what I was doing.
Today was not the best day for me as far as missing "him" goes. It wasn't bad exactly. I just felt kind of sad off and on. I know the feeling will pass and I'll be back to having fun again soon enough. But the pain reminds me how attached I get to people...in RL and in SL. And how painful it feels when they are no longer around. That's just how I am. When I love someone, I love deeply and for a long time...even if they aren't part of my SLife or life anymore.
Because of that, I've been called 'dramatic' and 'sensitive' and a lot of other words that mean I'm sort of emo, I guess. Whatever. I'm just me and this is how I am. But because I know this, I have become very cautious of who I let in. Even when every part of me might want to get to know someone better or take the chance on having something more than friendship in SL, I just can't do it. I guess you could say I'm just not ready...but I think it's more than that. The thought of going through that again. I dunno. Silly isn't it?
So I'm just a big flirt and I love having fun. But that is as far as it's going to ever go with me. My friends say there is one person out there that will come back again and again no matter how many times I push them away. And that person will be the one. I honestly hope that person doesn't exist.
Night all...have a wonderful week!
Joonie
It's not silly at all Joonie, I think it is cautious and wise and protective of your heart. That is all smart! And maybe antithetical to what we hope/think SL should be--spontaneous, fun, etc...but our hearts ARE involved, so we can't just do whatever. Gettting attached isn't a bad thing but it most definitely can lead to pain. The alternative is not better, though, IMO. But...ouchhhh...
ReplyDeleteGood for you for riding out the feelings and keeping your head about you. You will have fun again; as you remind me, it all goes in cycles. :D
Love you Joonie, love the way you look at things. Happy Monday!
xoxo
PDV
I'm a weirdo when it comes up to this kind of stuff - there are people I barely think of once they're gone from my life though they were once very important to me, yet there are others who haven't been a part of my life for ages and I still miss them and care for them even though they didn't essentially play such a huge role in my life to begin with. I don't really understand how my mind works on this one.. so I don't try to understand it. You do what's best for you, and if that 'the one' person exists, they'll somehow mingle into the plan without interfering with the path you want to take. Though I have no idea if 'the one' exists, and even less of an idea about the possibility of that person appearing in SL... Nah, actually I'm a SL sceptic, and somewhat a RL sceptic, but somewhere deep down I completely believe all the romantic crap that we were fed as little girls. And we all know that some have met their soulmates in SL - I mean, look at Aimee, she's married :)
ReplyDeleteThat person, "the one", may well exist, Joonie, and when they turn up you will be so glad that they do exist.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's too soon right now, but that will fade, you'll stop worrying about not letting anyone in, and all of a sudden you'll realise there's someone there.
Thanks you guys. I just feel too much...and sometimes, I don't feel enough.
ReplyDeleteYou may be right, Marnix. =) All I know is, right now, the thought of opening myself up to anyone in SL makes me laugh. I just can't imagine it.
Bitter - I think Aimee and K are very happy. But they were each other's first and only in SL for the most part. I think if it's going to happen in there, it will be with the first. After that, we become too jaded.
Pinky - you have been through this with me so I know you know what I'm saying. You've watched me cry a thousand tears. I'm really ready for those days to be over! ;-)
Lets form a group - "I am EMO and I am proud of it!"
ReplyDeleteLOL...let's! :D
ReplyDeleteI do not think you are "dramatic" but you you are sensitive and something still better, "romantic". Please Keep being as you are. "Sensitive" and "romantic" a lovely combination.
ReplyDeleteTr.