Looking Back

This pic was taken at AM Radio's new installation.

I love the pic of me looking back down the railroad. It reminds me of where I've been, where I stand now, and that the future is unknown. Back there in the past...down the railroad....is someone I used to know. Someone I felt close to; that I shared many personal things with. He has since become somewhat well-known in the art community in SL. We met when we were both newbs and spent a fair amount of time together.

None of that matters anymore. I just bring it up to point out the transient nature of SL. People come and go. It's been a lot about loss for me, as I'm sure all of us that stay in SL for any length of time have experienced. Seeing him tonight made me sad. Not because I carry any lingering feelings of SLove, but because it went so terribly wrong. To the point that we will probably never talk again. At one point, we were incredibly close.

One of the saddest things to experience is when you connect with someone on a deep level, and then, for whatever reason, that bond is broken. It's never quite the same again. Damage has been done. It's a palpable feeling...like something hanging in the air. A sadness and a distrust...caution...a holding back of the feelings that were so freely given at one time.

I have to admit, as most of us girls can, that I have never been in need of male attention in SL. Regardless of whether I wanted it or not, I've always had it. It's irritated me, pumped up my ego, and made me feel very honored...depending on who the person was giving me the attention and how he went about showing it. I have met fascinating men, good men, generous men, strong men, sensitive men, creative men, and complete asshats. But for the most part, I have been lucky in the men that have been a part of my SLife.

Men...Men...Men! I love them! And they seem to love me! I don't think I've ever spent more than two months being single in SL. And during that time, there has been lots of flirting and having fun. I have decided to do something that is scaring the bejesus out of me. Lol! But I think it's a good thing.

I, Joonie Jatho, am swearing off men for 6 months!

That's corrrect. You heard me! Now, I don't mean I'm going to play for the other team in SL. *note - I said SL* But I am not going to get "involved" again for at least that long. I have a lot of work ahead of me if my future in SL is to be a productive one. I am sick to death of the tears and the endings of things that were so important at one time. I need a break from the loss and I need to figure out how to be in a relationship. First, I need to figure out how to be in a relationship with Joonie.

I'm looking forward to being SLingle. *giggles* and I'm also a bit scared. I'm a loner and usually have either a guy with me or....maybe one or two close girlfriends. So I think this is going to be kinda difficult. I miss SL as it used to be for me...magical and amazing. But when it was like that, I was mostly hanging out alone just exploring...letting places take me from one end of the grid to the other. I miss that. I miss the serendipidy and happenstance of exploring on my own. I also know it's difficult to go to places with couple's poseballs all over the place and the feelings that tug on my heart that make me feel lonely. But there is good and bad in both....so I'm off on an adventure to find ....me. I think that's what I've been looking for all along. Whatever it is, I think I'll find it.

Wish me well on the SLingle trail! LOL

oh...and just so yas know...flirting is STILL going to be a big part of Joonie's SLife...as it is in her owner's RLife! ;-)

nini everyone!

Joonie...the SLingle chick ;-)