Ahhh (dotdotdot) the rush of disillusionment

It's time for sleep but it's been a while since I've posted. I'm not in the best of
moods tonight...not in the worst either....but still not as good as I would like.

So I will keep this brief and really, I don't even know what I want to say, if
anything.

There was an interesting post on another blog...SL Revolution, I think....
that talked about being emo and how it's underrated although it gets
on people's nerves. LOL I totally agree. I have been uber emo for
several months now and I'm on my own nerves. But I just can't help
it. I mean, I try to fake it so I...well...why exactly do I do that? So
people won't judge me harshly.

It seems talking about what is really going on is looked down upon.
Better to talk like "hai" and "Hoooo" and "kthxbai" even if you're
in your 40's and pretending you're in your 20's. I dunno. See?
I shouldn't be blogging atm. hahahah...but I am! So there you have it.

Look, here's the deal. I'll say it now and try not to speak these
words again. LOL I'm sad. I'm not particularly happy atm. There
was a time when SL was so much fun. I laughed so hard every
single night surrounded by people I loved and cared about and
who I felt loved and cared about me, too.

Now...not so much. And it makes me sad. *shrug* What can
I say? I could deny it and act all "who cares" about it...but
honestly I'm not there yet. I know...this has been going on
a long time. And I have felt like I was on an emotional
roller-coaster. And...yes...it's my own damn fault.

So maybe what I'm really disillusioned with is myself. I
always considered myself a pretty smart, intelligent girl
with a kind, sensitive heart. But the longer I stay in SL
the more stupid and mean I feel. I'm so pissed right now.

So..that's me. LOL Aren't you glad I shared? ;-) Well, I
am. The only way I'm going to move on is to get this crap
out and so here it is. Just spray some lysol or light some
incense before you go. kthxbai!

Love you long time!
JJ

No Longer Waiting...Found It!

It was inside me all along....

Today is my birthday. I've decided to make some very difficult but important decisions.
I want my life to be open to new possibilities. So I have done some things to make
room for new people, new adventures, new opportunities for my life.

I don't know what this year will bring. But in order to make true friends and
live MY life, I needed to take a cold, hard look at the people currently in my
life and slife and face some facts. It was painful and not easy. I'm glad I found
the strength to look, tho, and to face things straight on.

Sometimes I want something so badly that I'm unwilling to see the truth
staring me in the face. I want to believe that I am loved and valued by those
people who say they are my friends. And it so sux when you realize that
it's just words.

BUT..and here's the icing on the cake (chocolate birthday cake, of course!) Once we
face the cold, hard truth, we are able to make decisions that are very freeing. Rather
than demanding and pushing and wanting someone to be who we want them to be,
we are free to make our own way, create our own lives and listen to our own heart.
Being needy is human, but there comes a time when we have to stand on our own
two feet and give ourselves the love and value we are looking for "out there."

So, on this day, my present to myself is freedom. I need this so badly. I think SL
has done a dance on my heart and mind...and not a good one! LOL But why give
other people the power to do that? Why indeed. What am I so afraid of? Why have
I been abdicating my own life to other people and giving my power away? I don't know
the answer to that. I need to figure it out.

Today I am a force to be reckoned with. Look out world. And if you don't like me, that's
ok. I am who I am. My heart is pure and loving, my mind is creative and fun-loving,
and if you don't like it, you can kiss my ass. How's that for affirmation? ;-)

Thanks for reading. I hope you do the same for yourself.

And thanks Dom, Pinky, Sands, Blissie, Papaya, Casey, Dyami, Trouble, Bailey, Aimee, Bon and all of my friends for
being an inspiration to me in one way or another.

*hugs*

Waiting

"Broken"

The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight

Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time

I am here still waiting though i still have my doubts

I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

With a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain, there is healing

In your name

I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on,

I'm holdin' on,

I'm holdin' on

I'm barely holdin' on to you

The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head

I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead

I still see your reflection inside of my eyes

That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain (in the pain), is there healing

In your name (in your name) I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin')

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm hangin' on another day

Just to see what you throw my way

And I'm hanging on to the words you say

You said that I will be OK

The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone

I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home

I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing

with a broken heart that's still beating

In the pain(In the pain) there is healing

In your name I find meaning

So I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),

I'm barely holdin' on to you

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),

I'm holdin' on (I'm still holdin'),

I'm barely holdin' on to you

Some days...

...life hands you the bitter fruit of your past choices. The only thing to be

done is to acknowledge that they are, indeed, of your own making.

And after some gloomy contemplation, hold your head up and see

the bright and shiny future on the horizon.

Or you can throw them on the ground and stomp on them and curse the

giver of the fruit. Both are mutually satisfying. I recommend both. The latter first and then ending, hopefully, with the former.

Today is such a day for me. I shed a few tears and am now looking out to the east where

I see a bright shiny day approaching. Let's hope I don't f*** this one up! LOL

ciao

JJ

~~~~~~~~~

I lied and told her I loved her,

She didnt care, but anyway

I told her we'd still be friends,

And she didnt care, but anyway

I tried last week for to call her,

She wasnt home, but anyway

I think Ill spend my life alone,

I really dont care right now, but anyway

Its a state of affairs and a state of emotions

The kind of thing that you must understand

I tell you one thing; you tell me another

We walk away, maybe then shake hands

I'm quitting cigarette smoking

It's bad for me, but anyway

I dont think the tv was joking

When it told me this, but anyway

The newsman said not to sit on strange toilet seats

Its my life hes trying to save, but anyway

I found out that Ive got eye cancer

Too many television waves, but anyway

Some day an answer will find us

Quite a long shot, but anyway

I think the past, the past is behind us

Be real confusing if not, but anway

I put all my hope in tomorrow

Its gonna be great, I can tell but anyway

I see a new, a new day a dawning

I like to sleep late, oh well, but anyway

Its a state of affairs and a state of emotions

The kind of thing that you must understand

I tell you one thing; you tell me another

We walk away, maybe then shake hands

Blues Traveller - But Anyway

~~~~~~

Happy Valentine's Day!

Or whatever. My night started off rather boring. I was at my house, minding my own business, lamenting the fact that I have no one to call my own this year. *sigh*

When out of nowhere, this short stuff showed up, waving her bow and arrow around

and making threats! OMG...it's CUPID! RUUUUUUNNN!!!!

Ah..but I was too late! She got me right in the tush! Probably helped

that I didn't have much covering it!

And who is this? And why do I feel strangely attracted to her?

Damn that Cupid! Oh well, when in Rome....

mmmmmmmm......

before I knew what I was doing....I was doing!

Oh mah gawd...what HAVE I done? oh the shame....

There was only one thing left to do......

Have a slumber party! What were YOU thinking? pfft!

You boys and your fantasies!

Hope everyone has a fun, sweet, wonderful Valentine's Day.

I'd like to thank Pinky Devinna for playing the part of my lesbian love goddess.

And I'd like to thank Aeryn Lovencraft for playing Cupid.

Without her/him...erm....Cupid, none of this would have been possible!

or would it? hmmmmm?

Happy VD!

;-)

JJ

List of Stores Participating in the Victorian Bushfire Relief Fund

We've all heard about the fires in Australia and seen this pic online.

Now we have an opportunity to help out.

Go to one of the vendors listed below and spend those

lindens on awesome items for a wonderful cause.

This little one is doing very well now.

Click here or here for a complete list of participating vendors. Then go shop and help out in this awesome cause at the same time!

Happy shopping....and giving! :)

And thanks to Moggs and Kota for putting this list together for us! mwah!

Joonie

Tableau Trouble!

Something was going terribly ... wrong?...last night at Tableau.

The notecard read (rather cryptically, too, I might add) :

"What a random occurrence of events! Depressed hamsters are destroying tableau in some sort of revenge plot against toast bard! Oh the humanity"

I will not pretend that I have a CLUE what is going on. I just remember the

last invastion was by...aliens...I believe. And we all know what happened after that!

I can't wait to see what that group is up to next. Whatever it is, it will be absofuckinglutely amazing...even if it goes back to being as it was before the huge hamsters took over and set fire to everything!!

Stay tuned! LOL

Vain "Big Red Lips" Hunt

No words can describe.....


how incredibly....

SMEXY....

...we both feel in our new stuffz!

The line forms ...um....here?

LOL!

HUNTS...
what better way to waste a couple of days?
Sorry....gotta run. There are 200 more of these things!
See ya in a few days!
JJ

Perspective

It's all in how you look at things! LOL

Off the Beaten Path

Sometimes, when I'm willing to follow my own path, I find what I need.

Like here at the new Festivale sim. Great stores and cool rides....

but what I really needed, I found off in this field.

Yeh, the Raven is cool and so is this old truck, but what I

needed I found in the back of the truck...

a box of Junior Mints! And only half eaten! YUM!

It's going to be a GOOD day...my fave candy!

LOL

Have fun out there!

JJ

All About ME!

I love wolves!

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

“A terrible fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy.“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed,arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, lies, and false pride.The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, humility,Kindness, empathy, generosity, and honesty.

This same fight is going on inside you and inside every other person too."

The grandson thought about this for a moment and then

Asked his grandfather;

“Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee replied;

“The one that you feed”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I'm not Cherokee. But I have to confess that lately, I've been feeding

the evil one a little more than I'm comfortable with. Why? I dunno. I'd

like to blame it on Plurk (lol) or peer pressure or something outside my

control...but I can't. I do it cos it makes me laugh, and I'm human. And

sometimes, people just piss me off and I feel like letting off steam. AND

it's FUN to watch other ppl get all pissed off at the person I am mad at!

hahahahaha!

But really, why? I mean, the ends do not justify the means. I'm still

giving into a side of me that I really don't like in others.

So what's a fun-loving girl to do? Continue to enjoy the drama? It's

like a train wreck sometimes...I find it hard to look away! But I like

the idea of "....joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy,

generosity, and honesty" much more than I do "...anger, envy, sorrow,

regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, lies, and false pride."

Ok, I'm going to go whip up some nice blueberry pancakes with butter

and maple syrup to feed the good wolf. I'm sure I'll feed the evil one a

little snack every now and then. ;-)

have a fun day!

Joonie

Been and Gone

Hold up

Hold on

Don't be scared,

You'll never change what's been and gone

May your smile, (may your smile)

Shine on, (shine on)

Don't be scared, (don't be scared)

Your destiny may keep you warm,

'Cause all of the stars,

Have faded away

Just try not to worry,

You'll see them someday,

Take what you need,

And be on your way and

Stop crying your heart out

Get up, (get up)

Come on, (come on)

Why you scared? (I'm not scared)

You'll never change what's been and gone

'Cause all of the stars,

Have faded away

Just try not to worry,

You'll see them some day,

Take what you need,

And be on your way and

Stop crying your heart out

'Cause all of the stars,

Have faded away

Just try not to worry,

You'll see them someday.

Just take what you need,

And be on your way and

Stop crying your heart out

We're all of the stars,

We're fading away.

Just try not to worry,

You'll see us someday.

Just take what you need,

And be on your way and

Stop crying your heart out... [4x]

Why?

I have more questions than answers this morning....


Like why do I seem to always cut my feet off in my pics?
Why did I feel the need to delete my last post?
How many times will Joonie stand up and dust herself off and start over?
And....now what?
One door closes...another one blah blah blah....
I know there's a lot of good stuff out there. I've read the Secret. I believe in a Higher Power. I meditate. I ruminate. I conjugate?
I take breaks. I breathe. I moan, complain, bitch, and start over...just like many of you.
I pray, I stomp my feet, then I pray some more.
I cry, uncontrollably at times, I am sad, mad, happy, glad.
I'm all that. I'm the human experience. The full realm of emotions...I let it all in and feel
it when it all goes awry. Never think I don't feel it. I do..deeply.
But for some unknown reason, I continue to pick myself up, dust myself off, and go on.
Why? Why not just click the 'x' and be done?

Hope.
For some truly unknown reason, I still have hope.
Hope in you and in me and in the goodness of all people.
I know....some are psychotic, some seem beyond any shred of goodness.
But I do believe, somewhere deep inside, shrouded by who knows what or wants to know, there is
some goodness, some little bit of light there trying to get out. All covered up by
damage that you and I may have had nothing to do with.

So, heeeeeere's Joonie. LOL No, I am not your saviour. I cannot help you bring
that deeply buried light out. But I promise I will not do anything to dampen it or make it dim.

Thanks for reading.
Just Joonie...trying again.
Why?
I dunno...
Why not?
;-)

*hugs*