Images and Imagination

What is it about SL that tries to lure me back into waters I swore I would never dive into again?

Haven't I learned my lesson? *facepalms* Slowly closes her laptop and runs away! LOL!

And I've been so gooooood for so looooong.

Must

Not

Give

In

*raises armored shields*

*padlocks all doors and windows*

*giggles*

It's not that bad. It's just, I don't want another SL relationship.

Not that that is even an options, but when I get those feeeeelings...

I just want to run and hide and scream "Nooooooooooo!

I'm so weird.

A Little Bit of Everything

I have been a very bad girl. Very bad. Wanna spank me? Too bad. I'm not THAT kind of a bad girl! LOL I should say I've been a bad blogger. You know, when you have all these ideas running around in your head and so none of it gets done? I've been taking these pics over the last few days, creating each blog that would go with each pic...but now I'm just too lazy and confused to figure it all out.

So ladies and gents of the blogging community....I give you....my very own special blog mess!
Let's begin! LOL

Okay, this one was taken around May I think. I had this awesome idea to go take pics around SL at all the Springtime sims. I'd also do a fashion spread. But nope...this is all you get. Me and Pinky hanging out on some Springtime sim. I suck.

The next two are of me doing what I love to do...take pics of myself! LOL

I have no idea what you are talking about! Me? Vain? pfft! And what do you mean Joonie isn't really me? Then who is she? Is too!

This was taken while listening to Grace McDunnough. I looked down and there was this quote carved in stone and I loved it! Gave me hope, you know? We all need a little hope now and then.

Okay, I had every intention of going to the Fashion Week in SL hosted by Modavia, but I only made it to one ramp walk...for Digit Darkes. The pics aren't the greatest cos my draw distance was too low. Hopefully you can make something out of this! LOL

My fave dress of the show. Stunning really. If I had a reason to wear it, I would buy it in a sec!
Hmmm....I guess I could wear it when I'm with my bf, Music. hmmm?? Maybe he would play my fave song if I showed up like this!

On with my great ideas and plans. Here I'm doing a blog post on Spring/Summer ending and Fall beginning. Nice thot. Dunno what I was going to say exactly. Hope you like the pic! LOL

Ah yes.....these were to be my Fall pics. So, okay...here they are. My Fall pics. Dunno what I was going to say about Fall. Hmm...I think again I was going to showcase some Fall fashions. Now I don't remember where I bought any of this stuff. I suck as a Fashionista, too. *cries*

And these are .... just me playing with different shots and light settings. Nothing much to say other than...erm....Go Tigers! huh? *shrugs*
*

This is my friend, Bliss. She is insane. She took me on this crazy tp'ing adventure all over the grid so she could find hair and skin she saw in an ad at some store. This is me tired and my feet hurting.

Closeup of Bliss. Doesn't she look divine. I was lamenting on my inability to look like the vixen she is. My look is more innocent girl next door...doncha think?

She didn't find exactly what she was looking for, but she did manage to find new hair and skin. I told her I know I have the right skin and hair when I want to do myself. She agreed. This is her in afterglow. /me nods.

And this is me cursing her with intense jealousy at her ability to pull off the dark, mysterious look. I'll just go suck on my lollipop. *sigh*

That's it, kids. There is one little part I left out. It was too perfect to share. And very special.
Hugs to my friend, Trouble. =)

Have an awesome week everyone! *smooches*

New AM Radio Sim - Surface

No better day on the grid than when AM Radio puts together another sim. I've followed AM for a long, long time and each installment ... well, I'm starting to finally think I'm getting it. LOL Lots of outs in that sentence.

These pics will not do it justice, but are just a few to entice you to check it out. And the best part...well you'll see. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Notecard:

OPEN NOW
a new SIM by AM Radio., hosted by

http://www.idiarts.org/
[Join the open enrollement group IDIA Events to discover more events like this one!]

Particpate directly to create @ Surface by adding your own creative input. A simple external editor allows you to edit textures and leave your mark. Click on the can of spraypaint to begin!

I am also giving away a low prim, sculpty version of the wheat plot for free during the event!.

Please accept the attachment.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So I did accept the attachment and tried to tp there, only to be told I didn't have access. LOL It didn't open to the public until 6pm SLT. Talk about building anticipation and exitement! Those folks at IDIA know what they're doing! ;)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Second Notecard:

Surface
a new SIM by AM Radio., hosted by

http://www.idiarts.org/

This sim brings a familiar setting with a new layout, a nod to the old, and a welcoming of a new idea in SecondLife.

Particpate directly in creating Surface by adding your own creative input. A simple external editor allows you to edit textures and leave your mark.

I am also giving away a low prim, sculpty version of the wheat plot for free during the event.

public access begins:
09.21.09
6PM.SLT

░░░░░✈

So I tp'd in @ 6pm, after trying unsuccessfully earlier in the day, and this is what I saw.

Ahh....a train! What a surprise! ;)

Another shot of me looking back down the tracks. No one I know anymore.
Ohhh...what's this? Spray paint?
Oh well, another one of AM's accoutrements. Oh look..another shot of the train!
This is my fave pic. Contrast is nice and I can imagine hearing the train late at night as I lay in bed at my grandmother's house.



Wait...that train isn't going anywhere without the engine....
And this is where we have an opportunity to be a part of the sim....
Grab that can of spray paint and get started!

There are some really incredible designs and others more like the one I made. LOL But it's fun and creative and all are posted on flickr, anonymously.

The man. The myth. The legend. AM Radio ;-)

So get your urban artist on and have fun decorating, creating, and being a part of AM's new sim, Surface.

Here's the LM to Surface. Everything is provided for you. Just click that can! Now gooo! Say whatever you want. Let it all out. You'll be glad you did! LOL

Hugs! And thanks, AM, once again.

Check out the flickr site...amazing images

JJ

Happy

I love this song! No really...so much that, yes, I put it on my music player and posted the youtube here. If you'd like to watch the vid, scroll down to turn off the player. =)




someone once told me
that you have to choose
what you win or lose
you cant have everything
dont you take chances
you might feel the pain
dont you love in vain
cause love wont set you free
i could stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
so unhappy but safe as could be

CHORUS
so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain in front of me
cause im just tryna be happy, yea
just wanna be happy, yea

holding on tightly
just cant let it go
just tryin play my role
slowly diasappear, oooh
well all these tears
they feel like they're the same
just different faces, different names
get me outta here
well i can stand by the side
and watch this life pass me by
pass me by

CHORUS
so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about other pain in front of me
cause im just tryin to be happy
just wanna be happy
oooh
happy

so any turns that i cant see
ill count a stranger on this road
but don’t say victim
dont say anything

CHORUS
so what if it hurts me
so what if i break down
so what if this world just throws me off the edge
my feet run out of ground
i gotta find my place
i wanna hear my sound
dont care about all the pain in front of me
i just wanna be happy
happy
happy
happy
i just wanna be
i just wanna be
happy
happy

*Sigh*

(click to view)

Is this the age old story? Do guys pour on the romance in the beginning and then can't sustain it, so to speak? Or do guys experience the same thing? Is women's weight gain the same as men's indifferenct? Or do men turn to the TV as a
way of not looking at the weight gain? I just have no clue.

I hate looking at things along gender lines. And I know men who are more capable of romance than I am. But on a sliding scale, I would have to say women enjoy the art of romance more than men. Or perhaps love being romanced long after the first few years of togetherness. Hmmm....or could it be that boredom sets in? Or a different kind of love takes its place?

What does this have to do with SL? Nothing really, I guess. But why are we all hooking up in there? I did it, too. All of my friends did it. I know very few who haven't. So what goes wrong? Expectations not met? Half truths given? RL relationships interfere. LOL (that was just wrong on so many levels.) What goes awry?
Is it just not enough eventually?

I keep banging my head against this same wall...trying to make sense of it all. Maybe I should find a new wall...or a new head!!

huggies!

Queen Latifah - Cue the Rain

This vid isn't available for embedding on youtube, so click the link to see it. This is the best I could find of this song. Enjoy!

You know it's over (yeah)

But you don't wanna say (uhn-uh)

You see the writing on the wall but you don't wanna read

And now you're hopin' (yeah)

That there'll be something different (uh huh)

Something to change the circumstances of the way you're livin'

But that's that fantasy

That's that reality

The one you love that keeps on changing personalities

It's always jealousy, too much intensity

I don't remember signing over my I- Identity

[ Bridge:]Cus I gave it to you freely, didn't know you was so needy

Baby, you got my heart in chains

Something beautiful and bright, it's losing all it's flight

On this site- somebody cue the rain

[Chorus:]Cue the rain

Cue the rain

Why you driving me so insane?

Cue the rain

Didn't know you'd be so greedy

Baby, you got my heart in chains

Now you met me on the fly

I was, flyin' so high

You said; I can fly too

That's the start of me and you

Chemistry; what a blast

Had us moving so fast

Ooh baby what a ride when your love is the map(Let's go)

Love the way I move

In the crowd, still a jewel

I rule it all with these, cus I got that joie de vivre

But like Tinkerbell in the story of Pan

I got caught up, and Captain Hook is my man

But I want free love

[Bridge]Cus I gave it to you freely, didn't know you was so needy

Baby, you got my heart in chains

Something beautiful and bright, it's losing all it's flight

On this site- somebody cue the rain

Blank Page

Fall comes to SL. My bff, Pinky, and I went shopping for Fall stuffz the other day. I've always loved this house from mudshake, so I decided to buy it! It's been fun redecorating my little piece of land. I even added a gypsy camp.

Why am I sharing such mundane crap about my SL existence? I dunno. Not much else to talk about! LOL I left Plurk, so not much dramaz happening. My friend left SL so that was a bit depressing. And I've finally accepted the fact that my inventory is never going to be under 30,000 no matter how much crap I delete or give away. *sigh*

As a point of interest(?), here are more things I've come to accept:

1. I will never have another SL boyfriend. Normally, this would be a bit depressing. LOL But I've gone down that road twice and it's really just too difficult. I don't like hurting people and I don't like being hurt. And it seems like that is the eventual ending. The highs are incredibly high, but the lows....wow...heart wrenching.

2. The good guy doesn't always finish last. But there are times when the bad guy wins and there's really not much you can do about it. Just keep your side of the street clean and let everything fall into it's place. Very hard to do, but I am not responsible for anyone else's behaviour. Just my own.

3. I am not now nor will I ever be perfect. Now this one really pisses me off! And along with this one comes the realization that I can't please everyone, so why try.
SL reminds me of high school in so many ways. The cool kids, the jocks, the outcasts, the wannabes. It's really okay to not fit into any of these categories and just be myself. Doh! There are more of us out there in SL land that don't fit into any one category. Why not just embrace the differences instead of being like sheep.

4. There are some really funny people that write really awesome blogs and know how to get a reaction! I love those peeps more than they will ever know. *blows kisses* They aren't afraid to tell it like it is in a humorous and entertaining way.

5. I never thought it was possible to actually care about a virtual person who lives miles away or even in another country. But I have felt closer to some of you than I have people in my RL. I love you all. Honestly.

6. SL is neither good nor bad. It is what we make it. And we've all made mistakes along the way. We've messed up, been forgiven, and messed up again. It's called being human. Deal with it. Your real friends will still love you and those that don't aren't worth your time.

Happy Fall!

SL Friendship

This post was going to be about the Modavia fashion week that coincides with Fashion Week in NYC. But due to unforeseen events, I am not in the mood for that atm.

Tonight, someone who has meant a lot to me since the day we met has decided to leave SL. Needless to say, I'm pissed. Boys can be sooo dumb...but this one....grrrr.

I'm only being funny cos that's how I handle things that hurt. And this truly does. Bon and I sort of 'clicked' when we first met. We took turns having little crushes on each other, but, luckily, not at the same time. LOL~ Which allowed us to just become friends over time. We had our ups and downs, but managed to work through them. Or rather, Bon managed to overlook my special brand of insanity! LOL

When I was going through a difficult time, Bon was always the one who would ask how I was and give me encouragement. He'd send a quote or something that was meaningful to me. He was that kind of person. I could always count on him to brighten my day. He was like my best advocate and personal cheering squad. I think I healed and started smiling again because of Bon and knowing he was on the grid...pulling for me and me pulling for him. When he said he was leaving, as I suspected a few weeks ago, I just cried like a big baby. Some people leave and you know you'll miss them. Others leave and it's like something breaks a bit inside. This is one of those breaking ones.

So, tonight, another friend leaves the grid. This is the part of SL friendships I hate. Yes, people leave us in RL, but usually we have a forwarding address, a cell number, or email. In virtual worlds, that doesn't always happen. So the end is fairly abrupt. I knew Bon hadn't been happy for a while. I was just hoping he could sit it out and it would turn around for him.

Bon, if you're out there, know that you are loved and I wish you all good things. Thank you for being such a good friend. There were days when your kind words of encouragement were the only thing that kept me going. You will always have a little piece of my heart. Thanks for showing me what being a good friend is all about.

Joonie


Oh...and thanks for the nekky pics!! mmmmmhmmmm! LMAO~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Remember all the good times that we had

We let them slip away from us when things got bad

Clearly I first saw you, smiling in the sun

I want to feel your warmth upon me, I want to be the one

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired,I can't sleep

Standin' on the edge of something much too deep

It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word

We are screaming inside, we can't be heard

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose

Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose

Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night

Gave me everything he had, oh he gave me life

And I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

I will remember you

Will you remember me?

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories

Weep not for the memories

Motives

Sometimes I find it difficult to know what my motivation is behind some of the actions I take. I am aware that we as human beings can be very manipulative in our efforts to get what we want. I am human and therefore, very susceptible to this form of self sabotage.

Recently, it has been brought to my attention that I have made some choices in my past that have not been the best ones for my own health and well-being. I needed to see where being selfish in some situations is not a bad thing. Especially when someone does not have your best interest at heart but is playing the game like they do. At some point, I have to pull my head out of my whatever, and, no matter how much I want to believe otherwise, face facts.

Once I am able to see clearly, I am better able to make choices that are good for me. That is not usually how I do things. Lately, tho, it has been an amazing thing and I see how looking out for myself is a very powerful thing and not selfish in a bad way at all.

So, I made some decisions and took some actions lately that have made me feel really good. Have you ever had a stalker in SL? I didn't realize I had one until someone pointed it out to me. No, I'm not dense. But emotional abuse is very subtle. And the relationship between the abused and the abuser is a very strange dance.

My friend gave me the following links, which totally amazed me. There it was in black and white. I couldn't stay in denial any longer.

Please take a moment and go to these sites. Then do what you can to put an end to it. If you don't feel like you have the strength to make the changes needed by yourself, get help. There are several places in SL that offer help. Sometimes just talking it over with a friend (I said friend, not the abuser) can help validate what we are feeling.

So tonight I made a decision that was a difficult one to make. I quit a job I've had in SL for a while now. I loved this job. But last night it became obvious to me that this person was not going to go away.

So what about motives? Well, I had to make sure I wasn't doing it out of nah nah you can't find me or if I was really doing it to protect myself. There was another concept I considered and that was, why should I leave what I love just because he can't stay away? So there's the anger and bitterness. Making a decision while feeling that way is never a good thing. And the most humiliating part for me was admiting that this is the last avenue he has and did I really want to close that door? UGH! That is my sick thinking talking. And the answer was....YES...yes I really do want to close that door. Not only close it, but bolt it shut. LOL

So I left my job in SL. I will miss it, but not as much as I will enjoy the relief of not having to stress and look over my shoulder to see who is there.

The reason I bring this up is because I never ever would have thought I would be one of those peeps that would allow some one to manipulate me. Emotional abuse can be very subtle. People think it's being screamed at or being humiliated. It can be I suppose, but in my case, it was more a manipulation of my emotions. Mind games. Saying one thing and doing another and then saying what was said was never said. It creates doubt in oneself. Very unhealthy.

If you suspect you have been emotionally abused or, having made the break you are stalked, please file an AR in SL and get support. You did not bring this on yourself and you are worth the time and energy it takes to get your life back. Don't be a victim anymore.

Thanks for reading. I hope this helps someone sooner than later.

Hugs!
JJ