30 June 2009

Scary Inventory Cleanup

BEWARE! This is what happens when you decide to pull everything from the past and try it on to see if it jogs your memory! And this is just the beginning! I will be delighting your sense of FUGLY with more pics soon! LOL The good news is, I'm down from 48,000+ items to just under 44,000! Traveling light is awesome! ;-)

Joonie
xo
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27 June 2009

Need

Meditation on the Word Need
by Linda Rodriguez

The problem with words of emotion
is how easily meaning drains
from their fiddle-sweet sounds
and they become empty instruments.
I can say love
and mean desire to give—open-handed, open-hearted—or I am drawn to the light
shining from your soul—or my life is empty without you—or I want to run my hands
and mouth down the length of you—or all of these at once.
Need, now, is a plain word.
I need a nail to hang this picture.
I need money to pay my bills.
I need air and light,
water and food,
shelter from storm and sun and cold.
To be healthy,
to be sane,
to survive,
I need you.

25 June 2009

Song Lyrics by Sarah Bareilles

"Gravity"

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

[CHORUS:]
Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

[CHORUS]

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on
The ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

24 June 2009

What Have I Done?

Today, I quit my job. It's been coming for years. I just haven't liked what I've been doing for a long time. Square peg, round hole. So I typed up my letter of resignation and gave it to my boss.

I have worked there for 6 years. SIX YEARS! I had no intention of staying when I first got the job. But it had health insurance and dental and weekends off and all the stuff you think you're supposed to have as an "adult." It looks good on the outside, but it was slowly killing me on the inside. So, in this economy where jobs are uncertain and scarce, I quit mine.

It seemed like the right thing to do at the time! LOL

I'm feeling a shift in my life. I can't explain it. These last few years in SL has taught me so much. but I don't want to spend my life behind a computer - not in SL or in RL. So I'm making some changes as they come to me. Quitting my job feels like taking care of myself. I dunno how to explain it...I just couldn't go there anymore.

So now what? I haven't a clue. When my coworkers asked me what I was going to do, I said I honestly didn't know. I have no job lined up. No prospects. And no insurance. But it just felt like the thing I had to do. I was dreading going to work every single morning. Sunday nights were the worst...knowing what was coming.

Some may think I'm crazy and maybe I am. Some may think I just needed to grow a pair and keep going. But I've been doing that for 6 years. Enough already.

I don't know what I want to do now. But I do know that change is good. Having some time to myself will help me figure out what I want to do next. Do more things need to change in my life? What can I do to make a difference in the world?

All I know for sure is that I have experienced emotional pain like I've never thought possible in the last two years. And also, of course, some wonderful experiences. Each day I am stronger and more capable of making decisions that put me first. But it's time for me to move on and discover what I have to contribute in either or both lives. As much as it hurts to walk away completely and not look back, it's time. I must move on. I know sometimes it seems like it's 2 steps forward and 1 step back....and even at times 1 forward and 2 back. But I see the progress I've made and I know it's all going to be okay. Better than okay.

I just need to keep looking forward and not back. Back is done. Forward is still open to dreams and love and all the good things in life. And today.....today I will just concentrate on being the best me I can be.

thanks for reading....
Joonie

22 June 2009

Soaring Free


A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colourful plumage and a tail of gold and
scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends[1]). It has a 500
to 1,000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of myrrh twigs that then
ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a
new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. The new
phoenix is destined to live as long as its old self. In some stories, the new
phoenix embalms the ashes of its old self in an egg made of myrrh and deposits
it in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis (sun city in Greek).



My best friend in RL and SL took this picture of Joonie. I really like it. I'm not sure why, but I think it has to do with the fact that it's from the perspective of someone who knows me better than I know myself, at times.

I also like it because it's a fresh new look for Joonie. Since she rezzed in SL almost 3 yrs ago...gah!...she has tried her best to color within the lines. The problem is, that's not who Joonie is. I would know. It has been a struggle trying to "fit in." I have always gone my own way, not followed the crowd, but for some reason in SL...the pressure to conform is intense. I would have thought it would be the other way around. But if you don't want to wind up on a blog about SL gossip or on a blog about who is or isn't fugly, you have to dress a certain way, wear THE hair that's in, the skin, the right dances, the right crowd, right place to hang out. God, the list goes on ad infinitum.

As an artist, I love color and fashion and beauty, the arts and new ideas. I don't want this to be a critique of the fashion world in SL. So I'll stop here and save those thoughts for another post. My idea of beauty may not be yours. The things I want to wear and are drawn to may not be yours. But what is SL if we take all the imagination out of it and we all line up in a nice, neat, tidy line behind whomever happens to be the "guru" of all things kosher this week in SL?

Today I saw a pic of a friend in SL. He hasn't been in SL long, but I think he's one of the coolest peeps there. I loved his look...it was always refreshing to see him because he didn't look like everyone else. But these new pics made me sad. Someone in SL had grabbed him and turned him into every other dark, handsome guy on the grid. I'm so sick of seeing that face! Give me some originality please.

I understand the need for acceptance. To feel as if we "fit in" and "belong" is one of Maslov's Hierarchy of Needs. But we are also individuals and we need to honor that. At least I do and I'm sure there are others out there like me.

So here's to the different, the ones who are true to themselves, the ones who walk to their own beat. Let your Freak flag fly! And believe it when I tell you, rising above all the crap is the best revenge. Freedom baby..that's what I'm talkin' about.

xo
Joonie
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Beauty Avatar *Kiana*

Hair Fair 2009 has been the best so far. The lag? sure it sux. But it just means a jillion avatars think it's worth the trouble to be there, and you just happen to be the jillion and one.
This is Beauty Avatar's Kiana hair. I fell in love with it when the demo pics were sent out to the group and I knew it had to be MINE! And once I decide something has to be mine.....
IT IS MINE!

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More Hair Fair stuff to come. This just happens to be the hair that is making me...um...
happy atm.
xo
Joonie
LOL

20 June 2009

Northern Lights


I love this picture. The darkness of the mountains and the brilliant light of the Northern Lights. Aurora Borealis. Very beautiful. I hope to live somewhere one day that has a high probability of Northern Lights.

I think we've all felt like we have been wounded beyond any hope of healing. Like our broken hearts are in pieces and there is no way to repair the damage. But I think I'm looking at it all wrong. My heart continues to beat...strong actually....and I feel a lot more gratitude for the things that have caused me pain. I know that sounds bizarre, but they have each given me opportunities to look inward and discover what I truly want.

Fear has caused me to pull back when someone gets too close. Fear has been a big part of my life. And Fear prevents me from doing the things I want and causes me follow a safer way. One that requires much less from me. But that is not the life I want. I have never been afraid of change. Of just jumping in and going with the flow. Today I realized, not for the first time, that I am afraid of getting close to anyone. Not only that, but I'm afraid of me and my own potential.

I have made some definite improvements in my life and slife over the past few months. My heart beats out the rhythm of a wild child, but the fear has kept her locked up. I don't sense a busting out of my true self, but I do see a peeling back of the layers, of the cocoon I have drapped myself in to protect me from the hurt, slowing opening up and letting me out again.

It might be a slow process. And I hope that I will be greeted with patience and much fanfare. LOL Either way, I see it happening. I think I just needed some closure on a few things before I could move forward.

I have been the recipient of lots of good in SL. And some not so good. But I've grown stronger and more fearless in the last few months. I still have a way to go. I realize I allowed myself to be knocked down pretty far. But that's in my past. I don't know what my future brings. So today I'm going to sit with the feelings, try not to judge them, and figure out who Joonie really is, what does she want, and enjoy the process.

And one day, I'll see those Northern Lights. =)

xo
Joonie
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17 June 2009

Say What You Need to Say

"Say"

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put 'em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you'd be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You'd better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again
Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say [x24]

16 June 2009

Unconventional Wisdom

Lately I've been on kind of a personal journey. Looking inward and all that good stuff. It's not always fun because I get the extreme pleasure of seeing me as I am...LOL! And that can be good and not so good. But I've tried getting really honest with myself about my life and where I'm at and where I want to go. Heavy stuff, huh?

Anyway, the most amazing things have been happening. Not huge things...but amazing little things. Like, people have come into my life and said things I needed to hear right at that moment. Someone will share something with me that totally makes my head spin..in a good way, not the Exorcist way. People will send me links or pics or text msgs or email or whatever...just out of the blue...with stuff I need to make my journey through this life a bit more meaningful and real.

There have been things that I didn't like, also, but that have really catapulted me forward in a big way. Like the thing you want or think you want reveals itself to not be at all what you thought. Like something that could be seen as a negative becomes a really good thing and frees up space for more good.

I know...I sound like some kind of new age blah blah....but this is just my experience and I wanted to share it. It's kind of magical. I'm enjoying it.

So the point of this blog post? Well, a friend shared this blog with me and it's really cool for those of us that don't seem to fit in. INFP anyone?

Hope you enjoy it!

Click me!

13 June 2009

Random Pics

One of my fave things to do in SL is shop. I believe strongly in customer service. I won't go back to a store that is not customer service oriented, and there are too many to number. But every once in a while a shop will go above and beyond what is general thought of as "customer service."
THIS, ladies and gents, is CUSTOMER SERVICE at it's finest. I shopped a loooong time at Zaara's! Nice ass-ets. (/me hopes for a return engagement!)

My friend Bailey/Bitter. She rarely comes to SL anymore, so I had to take pics to celebrate her one day return! LOL I miss her lots.

This pic was taken at the Puerto Rico sim. It's a bit too faded out or light, I think. I might play with it and repost. I think it has great potential....in someone else's hands. LOL

Thoughtful moments at Chou Chou. Actually I wasn't all that thoughtful...just wondering what to cook for dinner.

Oh you know...boy meets girl. Boy behaves badly. Girl kicks him to the curb and runs away. End of Story.
Saddest sight in SL. Something with so much hope will now never be. Sux!

Me and my friend just chillin'....thanx for the pics! *hugs*

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xo
Joonie

Jennifer Aniston Honored At Film Gala, Jokes Love Life (PHOTOS)

"If anyone has a movie called Everlasting Love With an Adult Stable Man, that would be great!" Aniston joked. "I'm at table six, and my agents are at table 12."

LOL!


Jennifer Aniston Honored At Film Gala, Jokes Love Life (PHOTOS)

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10 June 2009

Between the Lines

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times

My memory is cruel
Im queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines

I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me be
You and me always be

I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost ready
When he meant let go

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

09 June 2009

Severn Suzuki

Please listen to this amazing, brave girl. Turn off the music at the bottom of the blog and then play. Listen to the end, please.





Thank you to my wonderful friend, Trouble, for sharing this.

Woolgathering

woolgathering
Noun
idle or absent-minded daydreaming



 


I spent most of the day doing this 'woolgathering' thing. When I was 10 or 11...well really from prolly the age of 5 up until recently, I spent a lot of time daydreaming. I would let my mind wander for as long as I had some free time. Just sit on my bed or in an overstuffed chair in my living room and stare out the window, letting my thoughts take me wherever they wanted to.

It was and is a wonderful indulgence. It helps me get in touch with my emotions and my creativity. It's a dreamy pursuit. I've always dreamed big huge fanciful dreams. Most involved a knight on a horse rescuing me from the clutches of my mean, evil stepmother. I never had a stepmother, but it just seemed to make sense. I did love Cindrella.

 
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Today, I realize, to my utter amazement and disbelief, that no white knight on a stallion is going to come and sweep me away. And I am not Cinderella. But there is something better out there, and that's that two real people with less than perfect bods and much baggage from the past can fall in love...sometimes romantic and sometimes just great friends...and can love from a place of pure goodness.

There may not be any fairy godmother, no pumpkin turned into a carriage, and no glass slipper to lose (tg...that sounds very painful), but love just the same. Tonight when the clock strikes 12 midnight, I am going to close my eyes and indulge in some woolgathering as I drift off to sleep, and dream of love...imperfect, messy, and true.

Nini everyone!
Joonie

08 June 2009

WEEDS

That's right! My fave show EVAH was on tonight.. God that Nancy Botwin! I love her!
No really, I do. She is insane and helps me feel sane! LOL

Is anyone else out there watching it? If not....why not? come on!

WEEDS!

05 June 2009

Things I Must Learn





Who we say we are is defined by our actions, not the words we speak.

There's nothing wrong with having an open heart, as long as we offer it to those people who realize what a gift it is.

I could be considered naive. I'm not. I just believe in the goodness of people. And it's disappointing when my bubble is burst about someone I thought a lot of. But people change, for better and for worse. It's our own individual journey...the choices we have made in the past become our reality today.

There I go again...waxing philosophical! LOL I guess what I'm trying to say is, I have to let people be who they are today, not as I remembered them to be or want them to be. But I don't have to put up with hurtful behaviour, whether it's intentional or not. For instance, if a person claims to be totally honest, and then insults you out of "being honest" ... LOL...well they can basically KMFA!! ;-) You know why? Cos I deserve better. We all do. Srsly, don't let someone become a priority in your life when you are just an option for them.

I appreciate my friends who have been there (here) for me when I needed a shoulder to lean on...and have accepted me exactly as I am. It's time for me to lean on my own two shoulders and accept myself exactly as I am. Today, I'm working towards that goal. I don't have time for anyone or anything that doesn't help me reach that goal. Sorry, but that's the way it is for me today. Either be my friend and be caring and supportive, or get outta my way.

That.is.all

have an awesome weekend!
Joonie

03 June 2009

That's the Glory of SLove and Love....

Happy Happy Joy Joy




The Year: 2006
The Place: a Hippie Sim

I cannot reveal their real identities, but these two will be exchanging rings and making it legal in 3 hours! IN RL! And I am lucky enough to have witnessed their relationship from the beginning. Hence, I am the logical choice to be their Maid of Honor. ;-) LOL

Their road to happiness was not all sunshine and roses. There were a few bumps in the road. But they weathered those and ate cupcakes while doing it! These two met in SL, spent lots of time talking about music and the Dead, and dancing. As time went by, their friendship grew until that day when they discussed meeting in RL. (queue fireworks!)

The story of their love is HUGE and takes many twists and turns. And as interesting as that is, and I might blog it one day, today is about celebrating love with the one you were meant to be with. And nothing will stand in their way.

I'm very happy for them. Congrats soon-to-be Mr. and Mrs. Kaplan!
May the gods of love and good fortune shine upon you!

Your MoH...

Joonie
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Update!!! They DID IT!! It's legal and official. And Druzy performed the ceremony and Lunna is baking cupcakes! LOL It was awesome meeting more peeps from SL. And the bride was gorgeous and the groom was handsome =) We all went out to dinner afterwards and had a blast. They are headed to Wakarusa in the morning! Have fun you two! Love ya!

02 June 2009

Paint SL Purple - RFL


Anyone who knows me well knows my mom died from cancer. That's why, whenever there's an opportunity to get involved in Relay For Life, I'm there. Yesterday was RFL's Paint SL Purple day...so I did! =)

There were lots of things going on. I chose to go hear one of my fave musicians in SL, Maximillion Kleene. There were lots of us purpleheads there. Hooooo! LOL




And no evening in SL would be complete without some insanity. Thanks to my friend, Chely, we were able to harass Max in a BIG way!
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I want to pick up on the Joonie's Journey thread I started and continue my look back. But quite frankly, I'm busy looking forward. And trying to stay in today. But there are two areas of SL I have been having a deep and meaningful relationship with from the first few days I was Joonie, and no look back would be complete without discussing them. So stay tuned!

=)
JJ

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